Not What I Was Expecting

Wednesday Night

When I wrote the last post, I explained the two reasons why I thought I was coming to Haiti. I failed to share (because I was trying not to reveal too much of where my heart really was) that one reason I really wanted to make this trip was because I really wanted to have a powerful, impacting, life-changing experience. And of course, I had my own preconceived notions of what that would look like.

Well, it turns out that my role here and my experience here will be nothing like that preconceived notion. No powerful, impacting, life-changing experience. Instead, I am helping with the admin/office/accounting aspect of the back end of the operation from Santiago, Dominican Republic. (At some point, I will create a post describing the whole operation and what it has done.) Our command post is a hotel room in a rather nice hotel chosen because of its internet connectivity, which is vital to the operation.

All in all, it's not a lot different than a business trip. Every now and then, I do get out of the "office" to help offload or stage or load supplies. Sometimes that can even be incredibly strenuous work. Yesterday and today, for example, we have been shlepping these 125 lb bags of rice or beans or sugar around. My back aches, my arms ache, my legs ache. It has been hard work, to say the least. But life-changing? Not so much.

This is where I get to tell you how incredibly lucky I am to have a wife who truly does put my life in the proper perspective for me. After sharing with her my role here and the significant difference between what my role is and what I had envisioned, she said, "It might not be the life-changing experience that we had hoped for you, but I think you just have to remember that it was never about you anyway." Man, how right on is she?!

I look back at the previous post where I explain why I was coming here and, sure enough, nowhere in there is it about me having some life-changing experience. It's about me being obedient to God's calling and showing him that I am willing to step into that. And it's about me allowing Him to show me how dependent I am on Him and how I need to lean into and trust Him--how to rely solely on Him. Didn't take me long to forget about that.

Since then, I have really been hit by 1 Corinthians chapter 4, especially verses 4 and 5: "There are different kinds of gifts but the same Spirit. There are different kinds of service but the same Lord." I realize that God uses us all very intentionally. He has put me, an accountant, here in this spot at this time for a specific reason. Part of it may simply be that it's because they needed someone with an accounting mind to help them pull a lot of their stuff together. Part of it may be that it was to allow me to be around these guys who live in community together back home in New Orleans, learning from them what it truly is to be living communally. And part of it may be that God wanted to try and help me develop a humble servant's heart and get rid of my "check out what I'm doing for God" attitude.

But those things may not be why I'm here at all. And it may be years before we actually realize why God brought me here. Whatever it is, I know that He has done it with a purpose. It's really cool to think about that and realize how intentionally He directs our lives, especially if we just let Him.